Part 2 — #27BiStories: When Did You Come Out? What Was The Response Like?
Hoping to shine a light on the myths about the bisexual community — both in and out of lesbian, gay, transgender, and queer spaces — The Advocate has launched a four-part series written from interviews with 27 self-identified bisexuals, all of whom happen to be in relationships. Earlier this week, we asked our sources to confont the biggest misconceptions they face as bisexual people, and today, we’re turning our attention to the “coming out” stories that so often unite members of the LGBT community.
Do those stories provide the same kind of “we’ve all been there” unity that many in the lesbian, gay, and transgender communities experience when sharing their own coming-outs? Or do bisexual people face ridicule and disbelief from the very people who claim to want to liberate others from the closet? Read on to find out.
This is #27BiStories.
Yes, yes, yes, and yes.
At least I knew to expect homophobia when I was in same-sex relationships, I was not prepared at all for the biphobia I’d experience later. Personally, I’ve found the dismissal, accusations, and vitriol I get from the queer side regarding my sexuality to be far, far more hurtful than the harassment and garbage thrown at me I’d get from straight men on the street when I’d walk hand-in-hand with my girlfriend.
You expect it from bigoted strangers, you don’t see it coming from your supposed “community”
P.S. A lot of people with depression and other mental illnesses have trouble making decisions or choosing from a bunch of different options. “Wanna get dinner at that pizza place on Tuesday night?” is a LOT easier to answer than “So wanna hang out sometime? What do you want to do?”
I think one thing you can do to help your friends who are depressed is to reach out to them not in the spirit of helping, but in the spirit of liking them and wanting their company. “I’m here to help if you ever need me” is good to know, but hard to act on, especially when you’re in a dark place. Specific, ongoing, pleasure-based invitations are much easier to absorb. “I’m here. Let’s go to the movies. Or stay in and order takeout and watch some dumb TV.” “I’m having a party, it would be really great if you could come for a little while.” Ask them for help with things you know they are good at and like doing, so there is reciprocity and a way for them to contribute. “Will you come over Sunday and help me clear my closet of unfashionable and unflattering items? I trust your eye.” “Will you read this story I wrote and help me fix the dialogue?” “Want to make dinner together? You chop, I’ll assemble.” “I am going glasses shopping and I need another set of eyes.” Remind yourself why you like this person, and in the process, remind them that they are likable and worth your time and interest.
Talk to the parts of the person that aren’t being eaten by the depression. Make it as easy as possible to make and keep plans, if you have the emotional resources to be the initiator and to meet your friends a little more than halfway. If the person turns down a bunch of invitations in a row because (presumably) they don’t have the energy to be social, respect their autonomy by giving it a month or two and then try again. Keep the invitations simple; “Any chance we could have breakfast Saturday?” > “ARE YOU AVOIDING ME BECAUSE YOU’RE DEPRESSED OR BECAUSE YOU HATE ME I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP YOU.” “I miss you and I want to see you” > “I’m worried about you.” A depressed person is going to have a shame spiral about how their shame is making them avoid you and how that’s giving them more shame, which is making them avoid you no matter what you do. No need for you to call attention to it. Just keep asking. “I want to see you” “Let’s do this thing.” “If you are feeling low, I understand, and I don’t want to impose on you, but I miss your face. Please come have coffee with me.” “Apology accepted. ApologIES accepted. So. Gelato and Outlander?”
why does this make me feel mad
Because he’s considered powerful, and she’s considered a whore.
Anybody who can look at some magnificent lady doing an aerial walk without thinking ‘she’s powerful’ has clearly dived into the deep end of irrationality.
BECAUSE SLUTS AMIRITE?
When I was working adult, you could always pick the strippers who were seriously into pole work because they were cut. Just rock hard muscular women, but very, very femme at the same time.Fake tans (fun fact: a lot of dancers use fake tan to cover bruising caused by pole work, mostly on the thighs from gripping poles), blonde extensions, super long gel nails, and the sort of legs that could kick through a wall. i can see how that could be a little confusing to your average gender essentialist.
God, pole is hardcore. I’ve really got to try it out properly soon.